Versions of Diplomacy

The following is the April Fool's joke I played.  I'm leaving it up here cause it's funny.  Or at least I think it is.

Sino and Langley were on their way back to the Ark when they both felt an incredible amount of ‘mancy gathering to a location in the middle of the street.  Langley drew her pistols, Sino drew his rapiers and both watched as a giant, skeletal bird materialized into the middle of the street.  Amidst all the screaming that followed shortly only Langley faced the creature without fear.

"Figures," she muttered.

"That… isn't…" Sino gaped.

"Yeup."

And the bird shivered and collapsed into Mihos's human form.  He walked over, his robe billowing ominously, and stopped just before the two.  Sino lowered his rapier, reluctantly, and Langley shoved her pistols back under her jacket, knowing that they really weren't of any use.

"Langley," Mihos said, "I've given this some thought and I figured it was time I asked…"

He dropped to one knee and took her hand.

"Langley Stormrider, will you marry me?"

"I thought you'd never ask!"

And he swept her up in his arms while Sino jumped up and down yelling, "Wait!  I wanted to ask her that!  Well, maybe not marriage, but can I at least get a one-night stand?  C'mon!"

So Mihos ripped out Sino's soul as a wedding gift (cause he was being annoying) and the two were married.  Grandmother Stormrider did not approve and lectured Mihos for a very long time on the proper way to treat a Stormrider bride, Crystal was the flower girl, the undead penguin was the ring bearer Sabreur got drunk at the reception and flirted with Dnab, and my roomie caught the bridal bouquet and started making eyes at Cansin.

THE END and on to the real story.


It was difficult for Ajiin to tell exactly where he was.  He seemed to be in the nice part of the city, past the merchant sector, possibly even where the foreigners stayed, as there appeared to be more Alannian faces than Swerthian ones.  It was a little reassuring but Ajiin mentally chided himself.  He couldn't afford to relax, even among people that came from the same nation as himself.  Not all Alannians were loyal to the government and would sell their ideals for profit and cooperate with the slave trade here in Swerthia.  It was quite unnerving to have that fact working against him.

The street was fairly clear.  He'd chosen it by default, as any other route would have led him down to where the guards were fanning out around the library.  Well, there was some debate as to whether they were guards or thugs under the employment of the slavers, but either way an armed group of ugly men stood out in Ajiin's mind as something he'd rather avoid.  So he wound up being funneled here and that made him all the more nervous.

It felt like a trap.  He glanced around covertly, using his peripheral vision, and caught sight of one person staring intently at him from one of the cafes.  After half a second the mark on his chest burned briefly and the man seemed to smile briefly before returning his attention to the drink in front of him.  Ajiin recognized the strategy.  He wasn't there to enjoy the food or the weather.  He was there as a lookout for someone or something.  There had to be a trap and Ajiin had to move – quickly.

"You there!  Slave!"

The cry came from up ahead and Ajiin swore, seeing a small band of about five men jogging towards him.  Two carried bows and they stopped a distance back and drew.  Ajiin risked a glance behind him and saw that the way was still clear.  He could chance it.  They hopefully wouldn't be aiming to kill and he might get lucky.  But then his eyes fell on the watching stranger and he saw the man shake his head – very slightly.  There was a thick chain around his neck and hanging from this chain was a badge that Ajiin thought looked familiar, even at a distance.  He hesitated.

"Hand over your weapons," the leader of the gang ordered, striding closer with two men following him and the archers still ready to fire, "C'mon, you're out of space to run."

Ajiin noted that the man spoke impeccable Alannian.  Rather ironic for a nation that swore it was only retaking escaped Swerthian slaves.  He also noted that the stranger had stood from his table and was walking over. The gang noticed this fact as well and their faces suddenly grew rather tight and upset.

"C'mon, hurry it up," the leader barked, impatient and casting glances over at the rapidly approaching man.  The badge on the chain was visible now and Ajiin realized why it was familiar – it was the insignia of the Cadre.

"I'm Alannian citizen," Ajiin said, "You have no right."

"You have a slave-mark!  The daggers, now."

"Why don't you try asking him that in Swerthian?" the Cadre officer interrupted and the leader of the slaver group grit his teeth and visibly tried to ignore him, "Since you're convinced he's not an Alannian citizen and all."

And Ajiin realized at that moment that this had just stepped way out of his league.  The two groups were looking at each other with undisguised resentment and disgust and if Ajiin wasn't mistaken the open presence of a Cadre officer meant that this man was a diplomat.  Which meant that politics had just entered the equation.  Ajiin sincerely wished he were back on the Ark, being pestered by Crystal, out in the open ocean.  Away from all this mess, the hot sun, and far too many uncomfortable questions about his heritage.

"Stay out of this… sir," the leader replied, "He's not in an embassy which means he's our concern."

"Right," the diplomat replied, sizing up the group with careful disdain, "And it's my concern if you arrest an Alannian citizen on false pretenses."

"Then present that to the courts, not to me.  My job is just to take him in."

The officer sniffed in derision and turned to Ajiin.

"Best just surrender your knives for now.  What's your name?"

"Ajiin Veer," he replied quietly, "First mate of Langley's Ark."

"Well, since these fine gentlemen are not given the authority to uphold the law then I'll take this matter to the courts," the diplomat replied lazily to all present, "And I'll relay to your captain what's happened, Mr. Veer.  I'm sure that the Swerthian courts will be more than happy to adhere to what Alannis defines as citizenship…"

And the way he said the last sentence, the way he just left it hanging before he walked away made Ajiin's guts squirm unpleasantly.  He'd heard that tone before.  There was something always left unspoken, the ‘or else this will happen' threat that was never uttered in polite society.  He didn't even resist handing over the knives or when the two thugs grabbed his arms and tied his hands behind him.  He was watching the diplomat return to his chair and quietly sip at his drink.  If it weren't for watching the twins he would have missed the piece of piano wire that the man slipped around his fingers and the way his eyes seemed to grow glassy as his attention focused on something else, something far away.

This was going to get ugly.


"Sino Naite," Sabreur said, as calmly as he could.

"Yes," his twin replied.

"Cadre officer."

"Correct."

"Why is he even allowed on the ship, then?"

The three were in Langley's cabin.  The cargo had been all unloaded but unfortunately, there was still no sign of Ajiin.  The Ark was docked in harbor and would remain there until they both found their first mate and managed to untangle themselves from the fines that had been delivered shortly before Langley returned.  The Swerthian officers had decided to give those to the merchant who then relayed them to Sabreur, which was probably wise.  They lay in a crumpled heap in the middle of the table where Langley had waded them up and tossed them.  One for possession of an escaped slave.  One for assault on government officials.

The twins were seated at the table.  Sino was over the by wall, crouching in front of Sword and Sword was propped up on the wall with his eye open and returning Sino's glare.

"This thing is scary," Sino finally said, standing and walking over to the table.  Sword watched him go.  "Really scary.  I can see why you're carrying it though."

"They never said I couldn't carry it elsewhere," Langley replied mildly, "This isn't Alannian soil."

"And I can't think of anything scarier than a tiny Stormrider woman carrying a bloodthirsty necromantic sword and a grudge," Sino said.

"Agreed," Sabreur added.

And Langley sunk into a self-contented grin of impending chaos.

"It should come in handy."  The Cadre officer seated himself and gave Sabreur a brief, appraising glance, "So.  Your sister says you're a pyromancer."

"Well, that and technomancer," he replied.

"Mostly pyromancer," his sister corrected.

"Yeah, mostly."

Sino nodded thoughtfully.

"And you're willing to use both your ‘mancy and inventions against the Swerthian government?" he asked.

"Wouldn't be the first time I've used them," Sabreur said.

"You've used them against pirates," Langley added.

"And kraken."

"Yeah.  Penguins."

"Heh.  Various Academy structures…"

"…and students."

"But what about relatively innocent people?" Sino interrupted, "People who have only cooperated with their government?"

The twins glanced at each other and for a moment Sabreur looked distinctly uncomfortable, as did Langley.  Then his sister mouthed ‘Sparrow' at him and he remembered as well as she did, the mad dash through the temple with Deeah in which they killed people whose only crime was protecting their established authority.  It had left a bad taste in his mouth.

"Yeah," Sabreur said, finally, "I think we can do that.  But we'd like to avoid it if we can – it's…"

"I understand," Sino replied smoothly, "That's why you're not Cadre, isn't it?  And that's why I am."

He smiled and picked up the two pieces of paper from the table, the ones summoning the twins into a Swerthian court to pay their fines.  Read through them briefly and then set them down again, still smiling.  After a moment he settled back in the chair and flipped his hair back over his shoulder, a deliberately casual gesture.

"Let's face it," he finally said, "You need me.  This is going to get ugly and someone has to do the messy side of things… so.  Let me tell you what you need to know and then I'll tell you what I need you to do… agreed?"

And the twins both hesitated only a moment before they nodded.

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