Which avatar does the soul of the undead penguin belong to, and what is the afterlife is like for penguins?

Mihos: Well, animals don’t think like humans do so they really don’t belong to any particular avatar. Usually they just wander around the underworld and sometimes certain animals will flock to an avatar they just like. For instance, cats adore Dnab and birds like me. The penguins initially belonged to me but they didn’t like the tropical climate I have so I relocated them to Dnab’s bedroom.

Dnab: WILL MAKE YOU PAY.

Mihos: Of course, Dnab’s domain was too warm for them too so they wandered off again and wound up somewhere cold.

Cansin: And I don’t care what any of you sadistic bastards say, I am NOT having penguins as my representative animal.

How did Dog get his nickname?

Dog: I heroically saved the Academy from a plague-bearing poodle. ……… No, that’s a lie. Actually, in my early days in the Academy I was working on a ‘mancy formula to allow people to talk in the language of animals. My pet dog, well, he’s part wolf, was my test-subject. It turns out that I made the emphasis on understanding his mind too strong and when I tried it on myself, well, let’s just say it took two weeks and most of the bestiamancers on staff to make me stop marking my territory. I learned a very valuable lesson from that though – ask for student volunteers when trying out new ‘mancy.

Kiddo, what reality TV show would you like to be on?

Kiddo: Survivor. Cause I want to get a pointy stick and run around terrorizing small animals, the other team, and my fellow teammates with it. While laughing maniacally. And see how soon they vote the crazy stabby woman off.

Presleigh, what reality TV show would you like to be on?

Presleigh: American Idol. Do you know how hard it is to distinguish yourself in the Stormrider clan? Fighting pirates and running from the Cadre is considered normal around here so only the really spectacular stuff gets noticed.

Aelisha, do you really call Sino “Snugglemunch?”

Aelisha: I plead the fifth.

Sabs, will you marry me? Sino, you too.

Sabreur: Um, who the hell are you?

Langley: Toss in a flame thrower as a wedding present and you might have better luck.

Sino: I’m not one for marriage but how do you feel about a one-night-stand?

What is Crystal’s natural hair color?

Crystal: *checks in a mirror* Purple.

Langley and Sabreur, how did you guys get along when you were little? Did you go through the traditional period of extreme sibling rivalry?

Langley: It was a love-hate relationship when we were little. We loved each other if we could work together, such as when we replaced all the flags on the skimmers docked at the harbor with our cousin’s clothing.

Sabreur: But when we were working against each other it was a different story. Our mother has often said it was like living in a warzone and it got worse when we picked up our first few ‘mancy spells.

Langley: Dad says we got sent off to the Academy because no one could stand it anymore.

Sabreur: After that we got along great because the Academy was so big we never got tired of tormenting others and didn’t have time to turn our attention to each other again.

Langley: Like the time we set loose the greased pig in the dean’s hallway.

Sabreur: The one I tied dynamite to?

Langley: Yeah. I still say we should have set it off and had a mess with a side of bacon.

Sparrow, what's it like to have wings and feathers?

Sparrow: Ah, I’m not sure what you mean by that… it’s kind of like having arms and hands, I guess. You just have them and that’s that. Though the feathers do get heavy and don’t work if they get soaked, so they’re hard to dry after a bath and I don’t go swimming ever… I don’t like swimming. It’s too hard.

Crystal, what's the happiest thing there is?

Crystal: Puppies. Little slobbery puppies with button noses. And flowers. Flower wreaths! And sunny days. Cloudy ones are nice. So are snowy ones. And my animal friends! The fishies and dolphins and birdies…

Langley: Okay, we’re moving on because she’ll be rambling for the next twenty minutes now.

Mihos, uh.... Read any good books lately?

Mihos: Not really. I’ve read most of the books out there, being immortal leaves you with lots of free time, so the only books I’ve got left are the ones by obscure authors or newly published. The most recent book I read was about some girl that falls in love with two men and they both fall in love with her and one ends up committing murder and then he feels insanely guilty about it but does nothing about it. It ends with him swimming in the ocean, which apparently symbolizes cleansing but since it’s salt water he can never really get clean of the evil he committed. Very deep and symbolic and resolves nothing. I’m going to have one of my birds tear up the author’s office in revenge for all the time I wasted on it.

Fastile: Mihos, I never knew you were into romance novels.

Mihos: IT’S NOT A ROMANCE NOVEL.

Undead Penguin, what's... Well, non-life like?

Undead Penguin: Wark wark wark, wark. Wark wark.

Mihos: That translates to, ‘Not so bad, but Cansin needs to feed my siblings more fish.’

Undead Penguin: Wark wark wark.

Cansin: And that translates to, ‘Screw you, Mihos.’

To Mihos: if there were, hypothetically speaking, fangirls of you, what would you do?

Dnab: Ahahahahhaha!

Mihos: Fangirls? Well, I would-

Dnab: Hahahahhaahh! Mihos! Fangirls!

Mihos: ……….

Dnab: *snort* *gasp* Ahahahhahahha!

Mihos: I’d organize them to storm and destroy Dnab’s manor, that’s what I’d do.

To the undead penguin: so was it very emotionally scarring for you to be dressed up and put in the shower of the dorms?

Undead Penguin: Wark wark wark. Wark wark. Wark!

Brin: That translates to, “No, it was hysterical and I would love to torment Brin’s residents again, especially since they’re so much better behaved after recent trauma.”

What gender is the undead penguin? Is it really romantically interested in Genoa?

Undead Penguin: Wark?

Genoa: Okay, first off, I’m not checking to see what gender that beast is. Secondly, whoever asked this question – I am hunting you down tonight and having you for dinner. Sleep tight.

Langley: I would just like to add at this point that my name is even part of the title and the penguin has gotten more questions than me.

Ajiin, so what do you and Grandma Stormrider drink?

Ajiin: Well, I’m a brandy person, myself. Not one for mixed drinks really, just a flask of brandy or scotch or something else with a strong taste to it.

Grandma Stormrider: Whiskey. I’m a Stormrider.

Does Langley have any hobbies?

Langley: Well, I usually spend a lot of my time working on the Ark, making routine checks on the mechanics, lots of time at the helm, plotting courses, that sort of thing. But in my free time I like to read, help Sabreur in his lab, and make maps. I would say that making maps is my hobby then. See, you can get commercial maps but they don’t have useful information like, “bad storms here” or “sheltered cove pirates like to hide in” or “we pissed off too many people at this port” marked on them.

Kiddo’s Roommate 1: You know, maybe no one wants to hear about Langley.

Langley: No one asked you.

Kiddo’s Roommate 1: You make maps! Whoooo.

Does Sabreur have any hobbies other than blowing stuff up?

Sabreur: Sure! I like to experiment with ‘mancy, find new ways to combine materials and components and stuff. I’ve found some really interesting stuff, like the shift generator. Langley helped with that one a lot; we were pretty much co-inventors there.

Langley: Which is why it’s one of his few working inventions that doesn’t explode.

Kiddo’s Roommate 1: Did she make maps?

Kiddo, have you been reading my mind?

Kiddo: Did that once. Had to make a save vs. insanity. Failed and talked backwards, in Latin, for a week.

Makaereth, have I been reading your mind?

Makaereth: Excuse me, I’m busy being sinister and evil right now, you’ll have to ask some other time.

Dog, can Makaereth, or Kiddo read my mind?

Dog: Scram or I’ll sic the undead penguin on you.

Mihos, which would be worse?

Mihos: The undead penguin. Definitely the penguin.

To Langley and Sabruer: how old were you when you left for the Academy?

Langley: I was ten. We left in the spring, after the storm season ended. Mom and dad put us on a Stormrider piloted skimmer and we were attacked by pirates on the way there.

Sabreur: It was awesome.

Langley, do you make maps of your brother's shift generators?

Langley: For one thing, there’s only one shift generator and it’s the one on our ship. And since we installed it ourselves, no, I didn’t make a map. We have the layout memorized. Smartass.

Langley, if you don't, you should. You really, really should.

Langley: Bite me.

Genoa: Did I hear an invitation?

Langley: I have silver bullets.

Genoa: Oh.

Dear undead penguin: Is it true that there is a psychoanomality in the left-hand back part of your cerebral cortex that allows you to think Crystal is the greatest and most adorable and worthy of worship mistress ever?

Undead Penguin: Wark.

Avatars, which of you has the biggest estate? Which has the most ornate?

Dnab: I have the biggest. I used to be part of a plains tribe so I like vast open spaces.

Cansin: I think she’s just trying to compensate for her lack of-

*violence ensues*

Fastile: So, um, I have the most ornate. And, uh, can someone get a mop? He’s kind of bleeding on the floor.

If you were going to be an avatar, which would you be?

Mihos: Me. Definitely me.

The question was directed towards non-avatars.

Kiddo: I’d be Dnab. She’s psycho enough to fit my sword stab-happy personality.

Kiddo’s Roommate 2: I’d be Enay. The bookworm-looking one. That would be kinda interesting.

Kiddo’s Roommate 1: I don’t want to be any of them. They’re all so unhappy. Although I might be the last one, the Souless one.

Kiddo’s Roommate 2: He deals with psychopaths.

Kiddo’s Roommate 1: *claps and laughs* I’d whip them into shape!

Cansin: Score! Fangirl!

Kiddo’s Roommate 1: I am looking for a boyfriend.

Mihos: Traitors.

Deeah, what made you turn to the Dark Side?

Deeah: My devilish good looks. No, in all seriousness, it just sort of happened. I found I could get away with things, it never really bothered me, and I fell in with a crew where I could get away with a lot. So I did. And it worked for the best so I’ve kept with it.

Kiddo: And there you have it. The most pressing questions that the readers of Langley's Ark have. Seeing as you all are interested in the undead penguin so much I'll see what I can do about getting him or her to write an autobiography.

Langley: I wouldn't hold my breath though. I think his flipper just fell off. Someone get a needle and thread?

Undead Penguin: Wark?